*the girl asks the boy. "how long can you love me?" the boy stretches out a finger and said "not a day, not a year, and not for a lifetime. i will love you until the day that you dont love me anymore."*
remember this? thats what i think in the past. i will love her until the day that she doesnt love me anymore. but, it has been now 361 days that i lived without her warm, and i realised something. i will still love her even until the day that she doesnt love me. i will love her for a lifetime. i swear. i've been trying to forget her and dump all the memories away ever since the very first second i chose to leave the warm. but i failed. i've tried to hate her. i've tried to force myself into another relationship, but i just cant. i've tried all kinds of ways that i can think of, i didnt succeed. in the end, i choose to keep the memories deep down in my heart. that day, around 8 plus. yes i still remember. do you? cant stop my tears as i type this post. my keyboard are now wet, but i shall continue. i made the first move, and that time i really dont think i can succeed, well in the end i made it. you wont believe whats my first reaction. i jumped. haha yes i did. think thats the greatest height i ever jumped. i'm so damn happy. after that you told me what you worried about, and i told you not to think so much. but you were right. i should first consider that carefully. i'm wrong. our first packet of sweets, our first time alone, our first time putting books into the locker, our first presents, and our first arguement. wonder if you still remember. its okay if you dont remember, because that time i'm a coward. maybe now i'm still one. i know you gave me a lot of time and chances, but i didnt treasure them. instead, when you need time, i didnt give it to you. i didnt give you any chance. i went too fast. i'm selfish. i only care for my own feelings. and i admit. i'm sorry. yea so far i only have 1 "sorry" in my post. thanks for teaching me this. i shouldnt think that i MUST receive the same as to how much i contribute. i shouldnt be so impatient to develop it into my own fairy tale. i hope i can imitate the guy in that fighting show that we used to watch. his weath at least i can managed by not eating during recess and lunchtime. as for his brave character, i cant. i'm sissy. thats all i can say. i've not been a very obedient boy. you asked me not to starve, but i never listen. i'm sorry for the 2nd time. i can sacrifice anything for you, even if i need to become a water tank, i wont mind. but, i know that is not what you want.
is the bear still there? what about the handphone thingy? i hope you still keep them. i wont blame you if you already thrown them away, cause maybe now, you cant find a reason for yourself to keep. i understand. i will never forget about you, especially your hair. so unqiue and beautiful. wonder if you still have feelings for me, but i think the answer is quite obvious. i requested to lead you out of the darkness once again, but you rejected. i know why you made this decision. you dont wish to hurt me any further. well now i really dont mind as long as i can be together with you again. but i know that won't happen. right?
okay i see you are working hard now. keep it up. remember to drink more water and eat more especially. so skinny. later mrt come you blow away how? lol. i didnt do my part to take good care of you, so you must take care of yourself now. i want to apologise for the very last time. i'm sorry.
i only mentioned 3 "sorries" in this post. still acceptable right? haha. but other than these 3 words, i've got another 2 sets of 3 words to let you know.
i love you.
i need you.
*i dont think i will be able persuade myself to move on from here. i would rather stay at this state. if i'm given another chance, i would go slower. just within the distance that you can reach. then, i will lead you out of the darkness. should i continue waiting? or should i wake up from this dream long ago? i really dont know. please tell me.*